Dear NOLR Campaign,

I wanted to write to you to share a bit of my story.
My mum I know is in regular contact with the NOLR Campaign. Also you will be aware my story was used in an article in InsideTime.
Well where do I start? I received an OLR in 2009 with a tariff of 7 years which was reduced to 4 years after appeal. My tariff expired in 2013. My background growing up – I was subjected to physical, emotional, sexual abuse and violence. I also witnessed a lot of violence with partners my mum was involved with. I left my mum at 15 years old and went to live with my Nana. I have been involved with psychiatric services since a young age and I have also done a detox for alcohol. I also self-harm and have done since I was young and I have attempted suicide several times. I have had a lot of trauma in my life which to date hasn’t been dealt with. To list them:
aged 3 to 13 sexual abuse
aged 4 to 12 physical abuse
aged 3 to 10 neglect
Childhood – emotional mental abuse.
My friend and Ex – Suicide by hanging in 1999
My friend Stephen being murdered 2000
My friend Jamie being murdered 2003
My friend Harry committed suicide 2005
My Nana‘s illness and death 2008
Me being stabbed in prison and attempted rape of me in prison both in 2015.
My mum has had battles with domestic violence, alcoholism, anorexia, going missing, mental breakdown.
My other friend Nick committed suicide – he threw himself in front of a high-speed train when I was with him in 1998 – I was 15 years old.
I witnessed all of these and I have never had any interventions in my life to deal with this in terms of my own mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, stress, anxiety, complex PTSD/PTSD, dissociation, realisation, and borderline personality disorder.
I have completed all courses I need in prison and been deemed as not needing anymore. All that has been recommended for me as a matter of urgency is Stage 2 Trauma which can’t be done in close conditions, only open conditions or community. This was highlighted in a lengthy report done by request of my parole lawyer, it was written by Dr Dawn Harris and she also offered to work with me for free if I can get to open as she stated that there are only a few Therapists who can do this work she does. However I am being prevented from doing this.
I admit that for the first several years of my sentence I messed about – I wasn’t interested in engaging with anyone, however the person I am now is the best version they will get until I deal with my traumas in prison.
I have completed decider skills, CBT with my mental health OT and these initially helped me but because the memories, traumas and flashbacks are real and intense and raw there is nothing that will help me and I can’t even have any conversations with any professionals as they can’t help and it is impacting on my day to day with flashbacks/ triggers such as noises, smells, images, conversations and my only way of coping is by disengaging and self-harming and it is getting used against me I’m not going to lie.
I have really hit a wall and I struggle every single day and I do not have hope/ motivation anymore. In terms of my OLR, Dr Dawn had stated I should not have got an OLR. It was her business partner who did my risk assessment which resulted in my OLR. Also Dr Harris made reference to my age which was 24 at the time and that your brain hasn’t developed fully.
I am guilty of my crime which I am sorry for and regret and yes I deserved prison but not an OLR. I am now into year 16 and have another pointless parole pending to find out how much longer I am in prison for and for me a parole hearing is demoralising and the whole process is broken and needing overhauled. The prison use my mental health against me constantly and in prison I am not violent or aggressive and my way of trying to be heard is writing so any time I am struggling I will write letters to the professionals I work with and the purpose is that they hear how I am doing and what is troubling me and they use it against me stating I am not coping, etc. I don’t get misconduct reports or failed MDT’s and I engage with everyone. The prison system is needing reformed- it’s not fit for purpose and as an OLR there is no incentives for us and for me. When is enough enough?
my offending history is a lot of petty crimes such as breach of the peace and theft and a few more serious assaults, fire raising, carrying a knife, so for me now I am just stagnating and my hope has gone, my motivation has gone and I believe I will never have freedom again and I haven’t quite given up but I am nearly there. My support comes from my mum and she has lost a lot because of her decision to stand by me and I have told her to forget me and get on with her life as I do not know what the future holds. I cannot win as if I disengage or stop communicating with my case management it is used against me and if I write letters expressing how I feel, it is used against me.
Yes I am glad there is the NOLR campaign. However I have tried to get lawyers to take on my case to challenge the OLR however thus far no lawyer wishes to touch it and I am now looking at possibly seeing if any lawyers in England are wanting to help.
I am not afraid to put my head above the parapet as there is nothing more they can do to me and I am saddened as other OLR’s I have tried to get together are not up for it and it’s very sad for me. A lot needs to change with the Parole Board, RMA, Justice/Court system and the present system as for NOLR campaign can you update me as to what is happening with it? Who is on board? What is the Prison Inspectorate saying? What is the RMA saying?
What are the media saying? How many OLR families are on board bearing in mind there are over 200 OLR’s? Have you spoken to any lawyers that are wanting to help?
At present I am very much willing to do whatever to help play my part in addressing this unjust and cruel sentence and also to let it be known the impact mentally such a sentence has on someone and for me, I have served my time and my day to society has been paid with a very high amount of interest and I feel I am in a position that to still be denied liberty because of my struggles with mental health is ludicrous. It is inhumane and I feel my sentence has become arbitrary and surely that’s persecution plain and simple?
My fear is, it will take years and years for anything to come to fruition and that scares me and do I have the fight in me to continue? I don’t know. Anyway, I want you to contact you directly to find out what work is exactly going on and to also find out if the media have shown interest or not – has no thought being given to maybe making a video of sorts with input from OLR’s and their families which then can be presented to those who matter?
I would really like to hear from you and I hope you take on board all I write.
Kind regards,
Ryan